Job 2:4-5

Satan answered the LORD and said, "Skin for skin! Yes, all that a man has he will give for his life. However, put forth Your hand now, and touch his bone and his flesh; he will curse You to Your face."

Thursday, January 10, 2013

"She Doesn't Want to Die Now"

Shortly before my Grandma turned 94 she fell and broke her hip.  She had a partial hip replacement and the was transferred to a rehab facility.  While she was there the pain medication caused her to have a bleeding ulcer.  They could have transferred her back to the hospital, stopped the bleeding and given her a blood transfusion but my Uncle made the decision to let her remain at the rehab.  When my dad got there, one of the things my Uncle told him was, "She doesn't want to die now."

My Grandma had said in the past all she wanted was a peaceful, nice death as if she was ready to go, but when death was near her flesh and self-love awoke within her and cried out for life.

At times in our spiritual journeys we will feel as though we have died to self and this world and are ready to leave it all behind.  We have a renewed mind.  We feel the presence of the Lord.  We see fruit in our lives.  We are spiritually strong. But a question I personally have had to face is, if death came to me today, am I ready?

At a prayer meeting a while back, a person with a life threatening illness came in asking for prayer for healing. My pastor was there with the other elders to pray for this man. But before they did so my pastor asked this man, "why do you want to be healed?" Now I don't believe the timing of the question was appropriate, but it's still something we should consider. The answer to this question should reveal something about who we are really living for: ourselves or Christ.

I might say I want to be well so I can devote myself to the Lord's work. Being sick has left me ineffective. But undergirding those thought are these:  I want to be healed because I don't like suffering and I want to be comfortable. I want to be at ease. Not to worry. I don't want to be hindered by my illness. I want to be able to live my life.

Now it doesn't have to be about life and death. Maybe it's something else. A job or a new house. Lord only if I had a different job I'd have time to serve and help those less fortunate. Or, if you provided me with a nicer house I could host bible studies, foster a child, open my home to strangers. But do we really mean it, or do you just want the better job, the nicer house and are using the Lord's work as a bargaining tool.

One thing I know for sure is that because I suffer from an illness, that I am more effective sick than healthy.  At least for right now because that's where I am, that's where God wants me.  And I do believe that God has planned out my life in according to what is best for me in relation to eternity.

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